Stolen from a hysterical source. I’d credit but a real name wasn’t given.
“A couple of peeves of mine and how I deal with them.
First, my boss likes to say things like “I want to hear what you’re thinking” but then proceeds to talk until he has explained to me what I should think. When he finishes he typically goes back to his computer screen and acts like he is paying attention to what I am saying. This used to frustrate me, but now what I do is to inject comments like “sausage fingers” or “put your dog in the microwave” or some such silly comment into the conversation to prove he’s not listening. He has only caught me a couple of times, but he is so unsure of what he really heard he has never called me on it. Bystanders get one heck of a show though.
Second, we have a VP of HR/Legal affairs who does what we have dubbed the “sincere head bob”. I think everyone should learn this mannerism. Basically you squint at the person you are conversing with and nod your head with genuine emotion to show that you relate with whatever is being discussed even though you are not actually listening. In this case what I do is I squint and nod back until it becomes apparent that I am waiting for a response which causes him to ask me to repeat myself. I like to see how many times I can get him to do this in a given conversation, my personal best is 6 times so far, but I am confident I can get to 10.”