u8ashark

Bridal Showers can be such formal and stuffy affairs. A bunch of women get together from different segments of the bride’s life, and sometimes not knowing each other beforehand, to honor her upcoming nuptials and ’shower’ her with small tokens of their affection. Not wishing to offend anyone, these events tend to be boring and tedious. An informal poll of my friends reveals that none of us have ever met a new woman at one of these gruesome affairs and added her to their social circle. The stuffy, and decidedly ‘un-girlie-like’ atmosphere makes getting to know new people nearly impossible.
Vowing to change this terrible tradition in my own life, I set out to plan the most unusual, girlie, and fun shower when one of my closest friends announced her engagement. We had lots of fun last Saturday afternoon, that’s for sure, but when all was said and done, I ended up going home with a drawing of the female anatomy on the palm of my hand.
Here’s the scene of the crime — lots of throw pillows on the floor, Mid-Eastern cuisine in the dining room, belly dance music on the sound system, Barbie and Action G.I. Joe enjoying a tryst on the coffee table, and a henna tattoo artist to give each of us a unique, semi-permanant (two-weeks) design. Everything was going smoothly. The laid-back atmosphere of the shower encouraged maximum girlie hang out time and everyone was having a blast. One by one, each of us was waiting our turn for mendhi. Most of the shower guests chose simple, conservative designs from the pages of examples the henna artist brought with her. When it was my turn in the chair, I turned to her and said, “you can do whatever you like. I like the fancy stuff.” She smiled at me and seemed pleasantly pleased to give me an ornate freehand design. Being a makeup artist, I know I can help a woman get to her best potential if she leaves me free to do what I do best and that potential is always lessened when I’m given a bunch of restrictions for my work. It was my pleasure to give a fellow artist the chance to do her art freely. In return, I was rewarded with a beautiful design that was second only to the ornate design on the hand of the future bride. Proud with myself, I waited the obligatory 30 minutes to rub the off the excess henna paste.
As the fellow bridesmaids and I were cleaning up after the shower, the conversation led to “The Davinci Code.” When we were discussing how each of us had enjoyed the first half of the book and thought the second half was a huge disappointment, one of my friends mentioned the symbolism of the “sacred feminine,” with a laugh. At that moment I looked down at the palm of my hand and noticed the distinct female anatomy shape staring back at me. Each distinct part of a woman’s ‘private region,’ including the short and curlies were all emblazoned in amber-colored stain. I turned to my friends and held out my palm. “Does this look like a woman’s ‘hoo ha’ to you?” They all agreed and had a good laugh. The “sacred feminine” was right there on my hand.
Later that night, I asked my sweetie what he thought my design looked like. “A paisley,” he said. “Anything else,” I prodded. “You mean, other than it looks like a [hoo ha]?,” he returned. He could identify the dark shape at the bottom right of my palm as the hoo ha itself and the smaller paisley shape above it as the happy spot. The outside portion of the hoo ha were scalloped around the whole lot and curly hair spiraled off onto each finger. “I’m going to have this mess on my hands for two weeks,” I bemoaned! “This is awful! I’ve got [privates] drawn on my palm!”
I don’t think the henna artist who came to our party really meant to draw the female anatomy on my hand. She was a very nice lady and the resemblance is probably an unfortunate coincidence . . . or is it . . . . “Nice” don’t mean squat now a days and who knows . . . perhaps it’s traditional in the East to have yoni type designs in your artwork. India is the birthplace of the “Kama Sutra” where we can all learn how the ‘yoni’ and the ‘ligum’ can have athletic and gymnastic ‘congress.’ Perhaps it’s just the prank they play on the culturally ignorant westerner such as myself. I still have two weeks left to ponder the mystery.